Parenting 2020|Parental Control, Where to Draw the Line
Parents back in the day had it easy. There was not much thought going into the emotional, cognitive, and physical development of children and teens. Trauma was unheard of; parents were free to make as many mistakes as they wanted. They made plenty of mistakes and did plenty of damage. They were often wracked with feelings of guilt and shame after their children became dysfunctional adults.
Many ruled with an iron fist, while others hardly set boundaries.
Today there is much knowledge about teens and the long-term effects of dictator style parenting: this style of parenting undermines teens' self-confidence, breeds contempt, resentment, and sneakiness.
Meanwhile giving teens free rein breeds entitled teens, narcissism, defiance, and insubordination. Parents are looking for the perfect combination of control, and leniency.
How far do you go in either direction parents?
For example, which behaviors are too restrictive and too lenient
1. You look through computers, drawers, backpacks, and pockets?
2. Your teen can't start dating until they are 16.
3. Your teen must ask permission to go out with friends.
4. Your teen's boyfriend/girlfriend can spend the night at your house.
5. Teens can come and go freely.
6. You allow teens to fail classes without your interference.
It’s difficult to know where to draw the line. Some teens are trustworthy, while others need constant supervision. Some teens only need a pat on the back, while others need lots of reassurances to get moving.
Seems like parenting was more straightforward a long time ago. Not only was every teen in the house reared under the same parenting style, but they also received the same rewards, and consequences.
However, this concept, one parenting style fits every child in the house, has led to many broken relationships between parents and teens. To many teens grew to become
dysfunctional adults. Parenting indeed isn’t a one size fit all program. It is a dance of give and take. The parenting style, has to fit the teen's needs, and be comfortable for the parent. Both must be comfortable if parents are going to maintain a good relationship and release to the world, healthy, functioning adults.