Parenting 2020/ Old Things are Passed Away...
What will the rest of the year be like for you and your teen?
What are your goals?
What is your vision for your relationship with your teen?
When you envision yourself and your teen, what do you see? Is it a new and different picture or is it a continuation of the same old same old?
On any day of the week you can choose to put yourself and your teen on a new track. No one has to travel on the same old worn-down pathway, just because it's the pathway they have been traveling.
From this day forward if you want to live better with your teen, then make the necessary changes. It's not going to be easy, and your teen more than likely won't join you, that is, not right away.
It is your life.
You MUST put the effort in to create the world you want to live in, or except your world as it is today.
There are some hard truths you have to face before you can take any steps towards changing. The first truth is, just because you want to change, doesn't mean your teen is interested in making a change. They are going to wait and see if you are going to stick to the changes or are you going to turn back to your old self.
Yes, that's right, you have established communication, and behavioral patterns that they can't imagine you are going to change. So they don't really trust that a genuine change is on the horizon.
The second truth is you may notice your teen's behavior becomes more escalated. The longer you stick to the change the more they may escalate. If you have attempted previously to change, but stopped, their behavioral or emotional (usually it's both) escalation will last longer. Essentially they are saying to you "change back, I'm comfortable with the way it used to be."
What are you going to do?
Even if the change you make obviously benefits them, they were comfortable in the well-worn pathway. Your changing means they have to change, and they don't want to change. Their life was predictable, even if it was unfulfilling, and maybe even unhappy.
The third truth is, it is going to be HARD! That's right, changing behaviors is a real struggle. You will not gain an inch without struggling. By that I mean, you will fall back into old behaviors, several times before new behaviors become a habit. You become a failure, when you stop trying. Relapses are part of the changing process. I have warned you, relapses are part of the process. There is no point in you falling apart, beating yourself up, and judging yourself harshly.
RELAPSING BACK NTO OLD BEHAVIORS HAPPENS TO EVERYBODY.
The fourth and final truth is, you will lose some people along the way. That's right, all of your family and friends will not be able to join you on this journey. Some will root you on, and some even join you. There will be some who will be mere spectators ready to jump in and affirm your underlying belief that you can't make the change. Finally there are those people in your circle, who will openly, aggressively, or secretly passively sabotage and undermine your success.
I know the journey is worth it. So, it's okay to leave anybody behind who can't support your success. Their season in your life has passed. However, your teen will always have a place in your life and heart. It is worth the effort to create a better relationship and start today.
So, let the old things pass away. whether they be destructive parenting habits, poor communication habits, a bleak outlook for you and your teens future or friends who are betting and basking in your failure. Let the old things pass away, because right around the corner, all things will become new.
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